So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Randomize