My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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