I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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