I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
