Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
