just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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