Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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