Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
