Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
