I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize