Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
