her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
