Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
