Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
