yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize