All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cut my penus on the lid.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
