stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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