Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
