After last night, I could never be a politician.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
