Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
