I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
