well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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