If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you win again, gameday.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
