dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
