I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
