we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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