I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
