where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
