HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
whose parrot is this?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
