soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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