we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I did not marry a roomba.
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