My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
