He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
