How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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