Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.