I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
