im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...