It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there