yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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