Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
