i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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