Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize