mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
