Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
