What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
