OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
