Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
