Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
