this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
false alarm, still single
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
