Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
