woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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