dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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