Taylor Swift is so right about you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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