With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize