The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
