I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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