i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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