ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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