I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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