I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
