I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
