i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
