As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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