You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
