I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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