I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
