You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
