Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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