The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
