my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
