she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
