I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
