3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and she was petting her beer can
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
