You're so nebulous sometimes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
