Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
