Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
