I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it because I queefed?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
