just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
