I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
