I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
