I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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