I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
