my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
