I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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